@Overdue_Bills: Please boss, tell us again how important it is the company gets to $3 billion in revenue. I bought an 18 pack of beer with dimes last night.
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@PaulyMosh: Grandma found out I'm single so I have roughly an hour to find a gf or Ill be getting the 'have you thought about being a priest' talk again
@HockeyTornado: Spiderman is just another guy who ends up with sticky hands and covered in white stuff after being on the web.
@fro_vo: Interviewer: congrats you got the security guard job Me: *already asleep on a folding chair* Interviewer: hang on u don’t start til monday
@TheAlexNevil: 4 said he went potty and I asked if it was number one or number two. He said number 7, and now I'm terrified to go into the bathroom.