@Overdue_Bills: Please boss, tell us again how important it is the company gets to $3 billion in revenue. I bought an 18 pack of beer with dimes last night.
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@FatherWithTwins: By the time my 5yo is done with his dinner, it'll be time to start applying to colleges.
@davedittell: hey atheists: if God isn't real then who did I just give my credit card information to over the phone?
@BigBagOfScum: All my Facebook friends are starting to have kids. Better deactivate my acct. before they try to guilt me into liking pics of their aliens.
@wildethingy: Could a murderer do THIS? *lawyer points to defendant doing cool tap dance* I remind the jury that only guilty feet have got no rhythm.