@Overdue_Bills: Please boss, tell us again how important it is the company gets to $3 billion in revenue. I bought an 18 pack of beer with dimes last night.
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@TheRolo: [At a San Francisco Dance Club] *Grinds cute girl in a mini-skirt* Hey baby, what's your name? "Robert"
@zachheltzel: Never tell a psycho that they're psycho, because then they feel like they're obligated to prove it.
@krisv_723: *Gets called into HR Me: What was I accused of now? HR: I haven't had any sexual harassment claims against you lately. Is everything ok?
@njlitigator: Mark Zuckerberg I know you are a new parent but it's way more fun to tell children you are giving away their inheritance when they are teens