@EndhooS: Please, call me Seahorse. Mr. Seahorse was my mother.
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@jergarl: Wife:Did you take ambien last night? Me: *recalls riding a unicorn that's on fire* No, why? W:The dog's wearing a saddle and she's orange.
@MicheleAKALips: I suspected my marriage was in trouble when I'd meet my husband for dinner then we would both race home to make out with the babysitter.
@noog: "I think that kid's a robot" What? "Look at his mouth" Relax they're just braces *backs away slowly* "That's exactly what a robot would say"
@TheBoydP: The book I bought on dog training doesn't seem to be working. I don't think she's even reading it.