@EndhooS: Please, call me Seahorse. Mr. Seahorse was my mother.
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@StayNobody: What can I get you to drink? "Pepsi" Is Peps- Uh one moment please [In kitchen, to manager] I don't know, he just said Pepsi. What do I do?
@iamburtjarvis: [in bed] her: u have done this before, right? me: yes, of course. righty-tighty, lefty-loosey her: what? me: what?
@murrman5: I read that you should treat every night with your wife like your first date so after the movie tonight I'm dropping her off at her parents
@dtee83: Wife: Who is the prettiest of my friends? Me: your mother, why? W: Stop acting like you're 12. M: (thinking) I dodged that bullet again.