@memeprovider: "please do not expand the list by killing people."
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@EndhooS: Wife: He's always rewriting the past.. Therapist: is this true? Me: [doesn't hear because I'm typing 'Shrek killed Hitler' into Wikipedia]
@theevilwriter: The local news says we can tell there's been a power failure with their new app. Call me old fashioned but the lack of lights tips me off.
@fulciHugazombie: Like most parents, I live in fear of the day I have to explain PRETTY WOMAN to my daughter.
@RandomAntics: Sneaking into your house and eating just enough of the marshmallows out of your Lucky Charms to make you sad, but not suspicious.