@memeprovider: "please do not expand the list by killing people."
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@callingCQ: Friend: "I grilled some chickens over the weekend." Me: "Did you get the information that you were looking for?"
@jbillinson: Biden: "Guess who just upper-decked the toilet outside the Oval Office?" Obama: "Dammit Joe, I have to live here for two more months"
@AmericanGent69: Me: *tries to sneak a pic of someone but forgets flash is on Did you just take my picture? Me: *starts to make thunder noises