@memeprovider: "please do not expand the list by killing people."
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@eddiesteadyno: [Mon] Boss: Let's talk about your clothes Adam: But it's my best leaf B: You need officewear A: Understood [Tues] B: Is that a sticky note?
@jake_lach: Is that a cop behind me? No, just a car with a bike rack. Or maybe it's an undercover cop with a bike rack? -Weed
@crunchenhanced: [In cubicle at work] *pretends to start clipping my nails* *tosses uncooked grains of rice onto co-workers desk with each clip* CW: WTF!
@DanMentos: "none of your ridiculous drink recipes tonight, ok dan?" I promise [later] *stuffing flatbread into blender* WHO WANTS A PITA COLADA