@BoomBoomBetty: Please don’t exorcise the demon possessing me if it’s really good at things like small engine repair or has a secret recipe for a perfect pie crust.
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@psybermonkey: "Please be aware that we are experiencing higher than average call volume" *connects* Agent: Hello Me (whispering): hello
@Thynebear: Did you seriously hire a mentally unstable person to drive our kids just so you could say he's driving them crazy? Me as a principal: Maybe
@fro_vo: Doctor: you're never too old to start exercising Me: cool thanks i'll start in maybe like 15 years then
@kelkulus: Women are like bacon, they smell great, taste delicious and kill you slowly. Men are like bacon because we're pigs.