@Michael_Erhart: "Please don't make a scene." -Horrible movie director
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@joci2203: "Mommy when I grow up, I want to be a shoe" -straight up killin' it at this parenting thing
@JesKeepSwimming: I was going to spend the next 6 years studying medicine to become a doctor. Then I realized I could just like Facebook photos to save lives.
@awkwardphilippe: ME[David Attenborough voice] Starting with the outer layers he'll devour the entire carcass HER: are you narrating yourself eating lasagna?