@Dawn_M_: Please don't tag me in photos where I'm not wearing my roller skates, I'm looking for a boyfriend.
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@Jake_Vig: The year is 2035. The only movies are superhero reboots. Anyone caught looking up from their phone is fined $100.
@ArfMeasures: *burst into doctor's office* ME: I'm no longer canstopetid DOCTOR: You mean constipated ME: No I've had a vowel movement DOCTOR: Get out
@GerryDuggan: Stay through the end of Hansel & Gretel to see Nick Fury kick Jeremy Renner out of The Avengers.
@FuckTyping: I don't eat cats and dogs. Dogs are cute and I'm allergic to cats. *my lawyer leans in and whispers in my ear* Cats are also cute.