@Dawn_M_: Please don't tag me in photos where I'm not wearing my roller skates, I'm looking for a boyfriend.
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@elizabeth_fels: [Club] Me: *has debilitating crush on a nerd* Nerd: What you feel is a burst of norepinephrine increasing arousal and focus- Me: *swoons*
@mydanimarie: 911 what's your emergency? I FARTED ON THE FIRST DATE. Ma'am we don't-- IT SOUNDED LIKE A BALLOON ANIMAL ASKING A QUESTION
@Carbosly: Right about now, family members all over the country are realizing the Starbucks cards I gave them for Christmas are empty.