@Dawn_M_: Please don't tag me in photos where I'm not wearing my roller skates, I'm looking for a boyfriend.
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@CornOnTheGoblin: "Did you remember to take the dog out?" Ah crap, I forgot [Dog storms in] I sat at the restaurant for HOURS
@david8hughes: The first fireman to get called to rescue a cat in a tree must have had the hose wrestled from him before someone told him to get a ladder.
@smilely_gal: With my pasty white skin, ample curves, & hatred of manual labor, I would have dominated the 16th century.
@LizHackett: "Dammit. I had shit planned today." -- a spider being carried out of the house with a cup and piece of paper