@Dawn_M_: Please don't tag me in photos where I'm not wearing my roller skates, I'm looking for a boyfriend.
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@kentgrossarth: Girlfriend: Have you ever been with a fat chick? Me: Nope, you're the first one. Gf: What? Me: What?
@inanimatecorpse: Wife: I said any fantasy, I wore the police uniform! Isn't that enough? Me: Say the words Wife: Ok... sir, I have bad news about your wife
@envydatropic: I dunno but if I was a "doctor to the stars" I sure wouldn't be bragging about it these days