@Eagle_Vision: Please enjoy my "Here's Your Sign" tweet collection, designed to ward off Twitter trolls.
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@AnitaHelmet: Him: You're married? Me: Well, it's Thursday. So, yeah. Him: What about on Friday? Me: Depends how Thursday goes.
@killazilla: My sis just asked if sugar goes bad. Now I can't stop picturing it bullying the other spices and selling pot.
@L_W_Headphones: My date spent all night telling me that she loved Bad Boys - Then seemed disappointed when we got back to mine and I put the DVD on.