@ramblinma: "Please go play with your brother. That's basically the reason we had him."
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@TragicAllyHere: Husband: *snoring* It's like he's trying to tell me something *snoring* What is it boy? *snoring intensifies* Timmy's stuck in a well?
@LuckoftheDraw86: Yogi Bear: You gonna eat that? Hiker: THAT'S A BABY. YB: And I'm a talking bear. Hiker: YB: Hiker: YB: So where are we on that baby?
@amusedkerching: If someone is bothering you with unneccessary calls to your cell number, post their number on eBay with the ad "iPhone 5S for $1 only"
@hippieswordfish: *bank* 'miss, it says here that your debt is outstanding' *twirls hair* oh yeah? well i think your debt is pretty cool too