@notalogin: Please help me find my lost pet sloth. It was just right here and, oh, never mind, it's still right here.
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@LeBearGirdle: *speed dating* I'm a competitive eater! Date: Are you any good? [grabbing my suitcase, dumping 45 hotdogs on table] funny you should ask
@silent_musings: My friend used to play sports. Then she realized you can buy trophies. Now she's good at everything.
@michaelianblack: If countries don't want revolutions, they should stop putting large public squares in the middle of their cities. So stupid!