@notalogin: Please help me find my lost pet sloth. It was just right here and, oh, never mind, it's still right here.
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@AthenaMystique: Coworker: Oh, look how beautiful! It's snowing again! Me: *stabs coworker with icicle*
@QwertyJones3: The woman who sits next to me at work just told someone she's surrounded by idiots. I feel bad for her.