@jazmasta: "Please. I need this" I whisper as a 14 year old girl starts to get the better of me in an arm wrestling match.
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@ladybroseph: *A burlap bag is pulled off your head, a bright spotlight is causing you to blink* WHERE DOES THE ARCHIVED MICROSOFT OUTLOOK EMAIL GO.
@briancthayer: *buys 8 first class tickets, fills all of them with infants and toddlers* Me, from way back in coach: *cups hands* SUCK IT RICH PEOPLE
@TheTalkingPipe: I bet those 300 Greek soldiers would have stood a better chance if they thought to wear armor instead of going to war in capes & speedos.
@PaperWash: bank robber: EVERYONE FREEZE! [everyone freezes] bank robber: [recording everyone] nice! this'll be the best mannequin challenge yet