@MissMalbec: Please ignore this tweet, I'm pretending to be adding a coworker's phone number.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@buttcrunchy: "honey why is our water bill so high?" *water bill sits there holding a bong* hahahah duuuude i don't know man. DORITOS. DO WE HAVE DORITOS?
@causticbob: What does a corpse and snow have in common? They are both cold and are hilarious to throw at unsuspecting children.
@BigBagOfScum: All my Facebook friends are starting to have kids. Better deactivate my acct. before they try to guilt me into liking pics of their aliens.
@runawaycupcake: The problem with the exclamation point & question mark being side by side on a keyboard: I'm so sorry your grandma died? I love you?