@jewfacekilla: Please leave a message after the entire Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II soundtrack.
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@KKAlThani: I pretend I'm on the phone when entering a barbershop & say "I stabbed him only cause I hate small talk " so he doesn't try to talk to me.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Wake up 5-year-old: Me: We’re late 5: Me: The house is on fire 5: Me: Your sister touched your stuff 5: *barrel rolls out of bed*
@fro_vo: a bunch of people at a school dance waiting to get a drink that's it. that's the punch line