@KevinFarzad: PLEASE LEAVE CHRIS BROWN ALONE, in the woods, surrounded by a pack of wolves.
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@leshnevsky: Today I played dead with my 5yo nephew. He cried for 5 seconds, then grabbed my iPhone and run away.
@zachreinert03: I literally got fired from a job for not knowing what to do with my hands when I talk. I guess sign language interpreting just wasn't for me
@JasonLastname: Whoever invented popcorn deserves the Medal of Honor for not panicking after the first 45 seconds.
@KentWGraham: Things that don’t exist: 1. Fairies 2. Elves 3. Gnomes 4. Trolls 5. Whatever item my wife sends me to the grocery store to get