@BridgetPhetasy: Please make sure my tombstone reads: wish you were here.
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@Michael1979: There are probably fewer bees around now because a lot of them are still in prison for murdering Macaulay Culkin in My Girl
@KeetPotato: [inventing humans] god: "they should have complete control of their tongue" angel: "um ok" god: "let me finish.. except when using scissors"
@weinerdog4life: Did you know you can just buy live lobsters? Anyway can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters
@AaronFullerton: Hey cell phone companies, I can't think of a more terrifying selling point than "Unlimited Talk."