@SarcasticCharm: Please pray for my friends' 4 yr old. I just found out that ten minutes of his life wasn't photographed or documented on Facebook today.
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@muskrat_john: "WHAT ARE WE TO TELL THE CHILDREN ABOUT GAYS MARRYING?" Dunno. I'll ask my 5-year-old, who just married her stuffed bear to a stuffed pony.
@Thing_Finder: Someone stole my identity. And then sent it back with $100 and a note that said "So sorry man. Hope things work out."
@garrydavenport: *weigh myself* Hmmmm... *weigh myself on different scales and am two pounds lighter* Ah these are more accurate...
@FattMernandez: I have this theory that McDonald's hamburgers are actually made out of their employees. That's why they're always hiring.