@SarcasticCharm: Please pray for my friends' 4 yr old. I just found out that ten minutes of his life wasn't photographed or documented on Facebook today.
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@JediGigi: My Mom taught me to treat others the way I want to be treated so I always walk up to strangers and spray canned cheese in their mouth.
@dorkwing_duck: [PRESS CONFERENCE] Me: I'm going on the record. Yes, I'd go back in time to kill a baby Reporter: you mean Baby Hitler? Me: sure, whoever
@Scarfolk: Join us in calling for a total ban of people. They are extremely dangerous. If you know any people, report them at once to the authorities.
@rolldiggity: ME: "This might be a dumb question..." SCIENTIST: "There's no such thing as dumb que--" ME: "Am I a dragon?"