@dril: please pray for my sons Thursten and Gorse who have just glued themselves to a curtain,
@uberpaki: My fellow Canadians,
Complain about the heat just *once* and it will get taken away from us.
Don't be the reason we can't have nice things
@bendreyfuss: “Mom, the dictionaries are fighting again"
@josh___grant: My suicide notes just keep turning into grocery lists.
@Blarebare: Start a slow-clap in a quiet, crowded room. The first person that joins you, marry them. They're your soulmate.
@WilliamRodgers: I "accidentally" washed my cellphone once, and my wife has never let me do laundry again.... Yeah Accident