@dril: please pray for my sons Thursten and Gorse who have just glued themselves to a curtain,
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@eye_spyder: You hear about that roman ruler who found the fountain of youth? Emperor constant teen.
@GABBYdaAngSaya: [After reading vows] Me: Why are you upset? Her: Me: Was it the Donald- Her: Yes, it was the Donald Duck voice.
@iamburtjarvis: [radioshack meeting] employee: sir, overall sales are really low. CEO: when did we start selling overalls, bro?
@Inconsteveable: My New Year's resolutions: 1. Stop making lists. B. Be more consistent. 7. Learn to count.