@Jenny4ashley: Please pray for the people still playing Farmville on Facebook.
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@IamEnidColeslaw: my signature move is called "the Mouse," where I run around the dance floor wearing nothing but a tampon
@KimmyMonte: How to tell if your cat is a dog: 1) it barks 2) it doesn't hate you 3) someone once said aw cute dog 4) it's like a horse but slower
@VictorscarletJ: I know we just got divorced, but would you mind showing my girlfriend how to make an omelet the way I like them?
@KeetPotato: waiter: "have we decided yet sir?" me: [after practicing saying gnocchi to myself for 15 minutes] "the margarita pizza please"