@primawesome: Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us. We think we might be in love with your call. We made your call a mix tape.
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@hipsterocracy: People shit on Columbus like they've never knocked on the wrong door and then murdered the people inside and lived there.
@UNTRESOR: The average time it takes for an elderly woman to get her ringing cellphone out of her purse is 11 days.
@thetobbie: The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...
@cjcapbt: I knew I was going to jail when I yanked at the cop pants and they didn't tear away ..