@Home_Halfway: "Please stop being mean" - Me 3 seconds in to a rap battle
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@StinkyGr33n: *Creating bees* God: Make them highly beneficial to the ecosystem. Angel: Sure thing, boss. God: Give 'em the greatest knees of all time
@Pro_Jones_: *Listening to red hot chili peppers* Me: You call that music? I can't even hear anything! Worker: Sir, stop putting produce to your ear.
@GlumGeorgeLucas: My interior decorator quit on her first day on the job. I told her to paint all the walls in my house to be green screens.
@cray_at_home_ma: And on the 7th day God rested, but the children did not rest. So on Monday God made school and He sent the kids and all the people rejoiced.