@Home_Halfway: "Please stop being mean" - Me 3 seconds in to a rap battle
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@onion_an: Police chief: So what do we know about the serial killer? Detective: He's white Other detective: A muscular build Me: He kills people
@KalvinMacleod: VILLIAN: all this money is mine BANK TELLER: help us Velcroman, he’s getting away VELCROMAN: *stuck to the floor* who puts carpet in a bank?
@ThaJawn: Me: *trying to be cool* Scotch Bartender: Preference? Me: *nervously* hop Bartender: Bout time! *breaks out sidewalk chalk*
@Rollinintheseat: If you bring back your paper bags at Whole Foods, they'll give a refund of 5 cents. After a year you'll have enough money to buy an orange.