@otterwrangler: Please stop giving your dogs human names. My sons Buster & Lucky are getting pretty sensitive about this!
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@EndhooS: Wife: Ow, a bee just stung me! Me: uhoh guess i have to pee on u Wife: that's for jellyfish Me: [unzipping pants] bees don't sting jellyfish
@Jason_maybe: Everyone has that psycho ex we pray we'll never run into again. If you don't you're probably it.
@kimwilliamz: The worst thing about admitting you're an alcoholic is that people will expect you to stop drinking.