@: Please stop inviting me to bars where I have to stand up the whole time I'm not a dairy cow
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@hythemafia: *Food hits floor* Little Germs: "Let's get it!" King Germ: "No!!! We must wait 5 seconds......"
@PaperWash: [calls work] I'm sorry I can't come into work today "is everything alright?" [getting owned in an argument on YouTube] no
@daemonic3: [art store] You do free framing? "With any purchase" Ok, just this pencil and [slides a gun with wife's fingerprints] you know what to do