@_mindflakes: "Please stop misquoting me on Twitter," said my boss. "It makes me sad because I am a large baby with a stupid haircut"
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@SamuelHLowe: - Hello, princess. Can I call you princess? - No. - OK then, Mr. Smith, let's just get started with your prostate exam.
@panmidwest: [first date] HER: if you had to give up one of your senses which one would you choose? ME: definitely my ability to see dead people. HER:
@BadaBinge: Thanks for nothing autocorrect, I'm never gonna get chicks being a "homeless romantic".