@woodmuffin: Please stop praying for my grandpa u are making him too strong. He broke out of the hospital & cops say their tasers don't work on him :(
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@InternetHippo: groundhog: sorry guys, 6 more weeks of winter everyone (sunbathing in february): ok
@causticbob: I met a girl at a club the other night and she told me she'd show me a good time. When we got outside, she ran 100m in 9.69 seconds.
@joshgondelman: In retrospect, "Metallica" is a hilarious name for a metal band. It's like a Bob Dylan calling himself "Ol' Folksy."