@AsgardianRose: Please stop putting flyers on my windshield in parking lots. I have no desire to see your new band called "Parking Violation".
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@murrman5: [to the secretary before I go in for job interview] "when the music starts, hit this button and that will activate the fog machine"
@AaronFullerton: Doctor: "I'm sorry, sir, but you have an STD. I suggest you make a list of all your partners--" Lou Bega: "Way ahead of you."
@timdonakowski: I should've been a sniper. They get to lie around all day and hardly lift a finger.