@Try2StopME: Please take the smartphone away from your pets, they are spamming your Facebook with selfies.
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@goodhairperson: Her hands were garlic breadsticks of action. Her face was a Cesar salad of expression.
@decentbirthday: [assigning roles] god: the sun shall fuel all life on earth sun: sounds good god: and the moon shall make tiny waves and werewolves moon: hell yes
@TuSoonShakur: Jeez, try to cash in the “one free back rub” coupon your high school girlfriend gave you on your 15th birthday and her husband gets all apoplectic. There was no expiration date, Carl.
@DaddyJew: No, YOUUU had a kid just so you could have someone to eat pizza and play video games with