@margolundy: Please tell me the grounds around mental hospitals have walking trails called psychopaths running through them.
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@thegreatnanak: Brain: I see you're trying to sleep. Let me ruin your night by playing your worst memory from high school.
@JeremyKCMO: You drunkenly fall into one bathtub with your pants around your ankles, breaking the curtain rod and all of a sudden, everyone is a critic
@drinksmcgee: 8: What's a VCR? Me: It played video tapes. 8: Video Tapes? M: Like cassettes. 8: Cassettes? M: Like an older CD. 8: CD? M: *pours bourbon
@BoozeWallet: I point my gun at the bank teller and order him to fill my bag with cash but he struggles because the bag is already full of tacos.