@afualareine: #PleaseGoToChurch 😂😭
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@WheelTod: A guy I know got bitten by a radioactive bedbug. He spent 3 weeks in a coma, but when he came round again he was able to fold a fitted sheet
@Cheeseboy22: My wife got home and was mad when she saw I fed my son cake, banana, popcorn and M&M's for dinner. I was like, "You saw the banana, right?"
@lazerdoov: Me: check out this new gadget. It carbonates anything! Friend: cool Me: yeah even blood Friend: um I gotta go Me: lol no you're staying
@GrillinChillin9: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. -Me with beer, me without beer