@afualareine: #PleaseGoToChurch 😂😭
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@Dani_Feld: The right response to "I'm a bit tied up at the moment" isn't "what are you wearing?" Apparently.
@68Cly29: I always look for the best looking cashier at the supermarket and always end up at the self checkout lane
@joeljeffrey: [At job interview] Interviewer: Do you have a police record? Me: No. But I do have a few of their albums on cassette *hires me instantly