@ScottWesterfeld: Plot idea: 97% of the world's scientists contrive an environmental crisis, but are exposed by a plucky band of billionaires & oil companies.
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@lecalabara: Hey, your parents conceived you the same year my parents conceived me, let us be friends! High school is stupid.
@JessObsess: [drunk text] God I miss you so much. Why can't we go back to how things were? OBAMA: How did you get this number?
@Andee_Stewart: Based on the amount of tools I've dated, you'd think I got a deal at The Home Depot
@TheDailySchmuck: Black Super Mario *Jumps on mushroom* *Throws fireball at turtle* *Slides down sewer pipe* *Arrested for assault, arson, and trespass*