@bacon_gillepic: Plot twist a clown family hired a normal guy for their kids birthday party
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@Cheeseboy22: The same people that made fun of me for my calculator watch in high school are now wearing Apple watches.
@colesprouse: It's not a good date unless it ends with you slowly walking off into the ocean like Godzilla.
@SufficientCharm: That burrito didn't agree with me. And then I was like "Why am I arguing with a burrito?!"
@GrantTanaka: they say penguins mate for life, but that's bullshit cause my penguin left me first chance she had