@bacon_gillepic: Plot twist a clown family hired a normal guy for their kids birthday party
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: [taking communion at church] I'm a recovering alcoholic do you have any actual blood?
@LackOfShame: Women, when you say: "We should move into a better house." A man hears: "My plan is to force you to work till the day you die."
@danfishbach: Give a man a fish and chances are you won't be asked to be in charge of buying a gift "from all of us" anymore.