@ndiquote: Plot Twist
Nigerian Prince won the Powerball jackpot and he's emailing everyone now.
@jakob_huber: I feel bad for tailgating this minivan so closely but once I started watching Kung Fu Panda on his back seat TV I had to see it through.
@realHamOnWry: My sister has promised to sing at my funeral. I hope she goes before I do.
@LiLdavid29: MUST HAVE BEFORE WATCHING THE CONJURING :
- iBible iPhone app
- Holy Water
- 5 Jesus necklaces
- Holy Spirt
@Gooooats: I keep trying to turn my hat around backwards so I can get down to business, but it's a sombrero and I'm making zero progress.
@EJGomez: bicycle cop: im taking you to jail
me [sarcastic voice]: should i ride on your pegs or walk next to you
[segway cop just dying laughing]