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@CaniacMONK: Plot twist:
Everybody shoots Cupid with an arrow.
@KKAlThani: I thought I was listening to a Maroon 5 song on the radio when I realized that the radio is off and I need to have my brakes changed.
@Sickayduh: This poster that says "Green Day: Sold Out" is right in two ways
@maughammom: Why is mild cheddar even a thing? Who are these people who can't handle sharp cheddar & why are they allowed to influence the cheese market?
@murrman5: [first day as funeral director]
this is the dress she wants to be buried in
"It's very pretty but we highly suggest a coffin"
@maddyalou: Son: Will you please just try to act normal today?
Me: You're going to have to be more specific.