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@Swishergirl24: Plumber: you have hard water.
Me: you mean like ice?
@jmabell: “I have a cure for your burning bush." — Moses hitting on the ladies
@Freudianscript: Being popular on twitter is like being the keynote speaker at a Dementia Convention. No one remembers you the next day.
@KKAlThani: Have Egyptians tried unplugging and plugging Egypt?
@KeetPotato: Surely there's a 3rd option. Can't i just walk home? That can't be my only two choices? Ride or DIE? Seems a bit extreme.
@jazmasta: BREAKING: Olympic athlete stripped of medal after urine sample shows traces of rubber, which is a band substance