@UnFitz: I've been towing this guy around by a rope for years. When is he going to learn to do this by himself? - dogs, maybe

@myonlymizztake: *stomps feet during a tantrum, reaches fitbit step goal*

@ButtercupHush: "No mom I DON'T HAVE a boyfriend!" -lie you tell at 18. "No mom I HAVE a boyfriend!" -lie you tell at 28.

@WistfulBlue: When someone loves you a lot they will buy you a burrito even when you're not hungry so you can get fat and no one else will love you.

@Not_DeeAnn: Me: Will you miss me? Him: Only if you run in a zig-zag pattern