@weinerdog4life: Pokemon is hard, it took me forever to get this rabbit in my tupperware bowl.
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@jaymahonei: my dad always makes fun of me for taking selfies all the time but if he didn't want such a beautiful child he should've kept it in his pants
@HatfieldAnne: Protestants sing every verse to every hymn. Catholics know this. We think about it when we get to the bakery 20 minutes ahead of you.
@Lazer_Cat_: Look grandma. You told me to bring something to the wake. If you meant a casserole, you should have said so. Now help me load this drum kit.
@dubstep4dads: .@cocacola i tried to give a coke bottle to a polar bear. he did not accept. also he took my son. i need my son back