@weinerdog4life: Pokemon is hard, it took me forever to get this rabbit in my tupperware bowl.
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@clindsaysway: When no one stars a tweet, I tell myself it was probably appreciated by hundreds of shy people.
@TheMichaelRock: I'll stop calling you a racist if you stop bragging about all the marathons you run.
@FrenulumBreve: "hello pretty lady." [i slide down the bar] "what's your name?" i say as i casually toss a peanut in my eye.