@WillMckenzieNot: Poking holes in your parents condoms so there's someone else to do the dishes
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@JessicaVarsity: Felony Insurance, like car insurance but for when you hate someone so much you just have to throw a cinder block through their windshield.
@mishakey: Don't forget to check your backseat for murderers! Haha! No, but seriously bring me a coke it's hot in here.
@Token_Geezer: Girl said she wanted to have my babies so I invited her over. But she didn’t look happy when I told her to put them to bed by 8 and went out