@WillMckenzieNot: Poking holes in your parents condoms so there's someone else to do the dishes
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@bigbrez100: Bad: I saw my girlfriend's name and number on a couple of men's bathroom walls.. Worse: It was in her handwriting...
@cjcapbt: I knew I was going to jail when I yanked at the cop pants and they didn't tear away ..
@Marlebean: Don't make a mountain out of a molehill Do it with mashed potatoes, then play keyboard for the aliens ... I think my cough medicine expired
@TheFunnySayings: My ceiling fan has 3 settings: 1. Very slow 2. Slow 3. I'm about to detach from the ceiling and kill you in a freak ceiling fan accident