@MelvinofYork: I thought my wife was super pissed at me, but it turns out she was only “disappointed” in me. Thank God, I definitely dodged a bullet there
@SeanINCypress: If Batman doesn't wear underwear with my picture all over them, then this relationship is as one-sided as I feared.
@KevinBuffalo: Me: "Can I put this sweatshirt in the dryer?"
Wife: "Well, what does it say on it?"
Me: "Buffalo Sabres."
Wife: "You're an idiot"
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: STATUS: Using the flashlight on my phone to look for the keys that are in my hand so I can open my car cuz I think I left my phone in there.
@AlisonChrista: *dies and gets to hell*
I really thought I’d lived a good life.
*Satan shows me a video of that time I left a shopping cart in the middle of the parking lot at Target when the cart return was 10 feet away*
Oh yeah. Fair enough.
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