@WarrenHolstein: Police say Oscar Pistorius is a flight risk. How? Does he also have a pair of propeller feet?
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@Rollmaninoz: *Caterpillar marriage therapy* Wife: he's not the man I married Husband flying around room: I'm the same on the inside Karen!!!
@TwoSapphiresBlu: During pelvic exam: Dr.: Your cervix is very high. Me: OMG, weed affects your cervix too?!
@junejuly12: Apparently "if you must draw your eyebrows on, please draw them evenly" was not the tip this waitress was expecting.