@WarrenHolstein: Police say Oscar Pistorius is a flight risk. How? Does he also have a pair of propeller feet?
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@TheDeadfishSays: I sit in the corner eating my tortillas completely confused by this salsa class.
@KeetPotato: [tv commercial] me: "know what i'd love for breakfast?" mum: "what's that son?" me: "if someone pre-chewed my food" narrator: "porridge"
@envydatropic: I had a friend call to say they're on their way over. I couldn't think of an excuse fast enough to tell them I'm not home after I told them I was home when I answered the call. The moral of the story? Don't answer the phone. Ever.