@staceys55: Police: "You were going fast." Me: "I was trying to keep up with traffic." Police: "There isn't any." Me: "That's how far behind I am!"
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@Beardson: There is a small dent on the side of this plane. It must have a... *Puts on sunglasses* "Airline fracture"
@Robinbuble: If you post a handstand photo of yourself at the beach in Uggs you're automatically entered into an essay contest on why you love your Jetta