@chrissyteigen: poorly designed sticker of the day
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@Voiceofgarth: WANTED: Call center workers with very weak english, poor communication skills and short temper needed for major bank. Bonus paid for low IQ.
@QwertyJones3: I always keep a water spray bottle next to my bed in case a cat burglar breaks in.
@QwertyJones3: "Welcome to another meeting of Horse Club. Let's try to actually get something done today. All in favor?" Crowd: "NEIGH!" "Jesus Christ."