@FallonTonight: Popular Mathematics makes math easier to understand! #FallonTonight
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@ericsshadow: [at a bar] "I'm meeting my friend Dan" big Dan or Dan who's never has money? [door swings open] HEY WHO WANTS TO BUY THEIR BUDDY DAN A DRINK
@jonnysun: remeber: you hav the same number of hours in the day as this tree. and how much oxygen hav u produced? oh none? oh u CONSUMED OXYGEN!?!???
@HeSlimedMeRay: My son just complained about how far the guy in his video game has to walk. We take our lazy seriously around here.
@AndyRichter: If you're not carrying around matchbooks from places you've been recently I don't know why you don't want your murder to be solved