@QwertyJones3: Pork is awesome, but it's best when used as a verb.
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@TjSmooth0: *job interview* "Youre 30? Why haven't you accomplished your life goals?" "Tbh I thought the Mayan apocalypse was real. No plan past that."
@Area51eh: LOL pills that say don't take with alcohol. Ok Doc, how do YOU suggest I take my medication then?
@AristotlesNZ: Him: "What kinda chameleon do you have?" Me: Karma "Karma?" Karma "Karma.." Karma chameleon "How long you had him?" He comes & goes..
@KalvinMacleod: [funeral] ME: I never know what to say at these things. WIDOW: sorry for your loss. ME: it's ok, I'm sure I'll think of something.