@QwertyJones3: Pork is awesome, but it's best when used as a verb.
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@Ygrene: Scientist: Finally, my modeling algorithm 'Predicting Cat Behavior' is complete! Cat: *walks across the keyboard, deleting the file*
@SteussieErica: [Calling guy I met in bar in '91] Me: Remember you said "Call me any time?" Well, I could really use a sitter tonight.
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: Our daughter lied to me. Me: What did I tell you about telling the truth? 5-year-old: It's only for people who don't have lawyers.