@lizetagge: Positive thinking comes in all shapes and sizes at your nearest liquor store...
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@squirrel74wkgn: Wife: The kid was holding a sparkler. Me: ...I thought her arm was on fire. Wife: You hosed her down for 9 minutes.
@daemonic3: They say New Zealand has a sheep population of over 60 million How did they stay awake to figure THAT one out?
@Alex_N_Chains: I think at this point, a pterodactyl egg has better odds of getting laid than I do.