@lizetagge: Positive thinking comes in all shapes and sizes at your nearest liquor store...
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@GrantTanaka: Man buns are just the beginning, next thing you know it’ll be ok for men to have anything on their heads, like a goat or a small child
@DirtMcTurd: Inspired by T.G.I.Fridays, I opened a place called C.L.I.Thursdays. It closed down though because most guys couldnt find it
@OhNoSheTwitnt: I'm not allowed to watch Hoarders anymore because people say "let it go" too often and then I can't stop singing it, an autobiography.
@FuckTyping: I don't eat cats and dogs. Dogs are cute and I'm allergic to cats. *my lawyer leans in and whispers in my ear* Cats are also cute.