@MariyaAlexander: Potato chips bragging about having less fat - I don't think you understand people who eat you.
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@Brampersandon_: [doing a sexy skype chat] GF: show me urs & I'll show u mine ME: mmm baby I can't wait *we both lower our cams to show each other our dogs*
@Contwixt: Went to get coffee for a coworker. I effed up the order, but used it as a teaching opportunity to illustrate the dangers of outsourcing.
@Brampersandon_: OCTOPUS: *places tentacle on Bible* JUDGE: Do u swear to tell the truth? O: Yes BAILIFF: *spends like 8 minutes trying to get Bible unstuck*