@novicefather: Pour your beer in a coffee cup because sometimes walking around with a beer during breakfast is frowned upon.
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@gojarbe: me: wanna see my cat's shed? friend: lots of cats shed. why would-- [my cat enters wearing a tool belt] cat: show him the gazebo, too
@StevieKnip: [accidentally hits Siri in high school classroom] Siri: what can I do for you, #1 God of Sex? [every boy in the class checks their phone]
@jameslsutter: Imagine if Frodo was all "Sauron's bad, but Gandalf's done some morally gray stuff, too, so I'll stay home." Don't get eaten by orcs. Vote.