@jakob_huber: Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they looked.
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@PaperWash: My cover letter is just a picture of me in a sleeveless turtleneck karate chopping the word 'unemployment'.
@stephenjmolloy: Barber: Snip snip snip snip snip. Me: What are you doing? Barber: I've lost my scissors and I was hoping I could trick you into thinking I was cutting your hair by saying snip. Me: I can see you in the mirror.