@jakob_huber: Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they looked.
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@pudding_club: *calls mom* "Ma I made 3 friends on twitter today" *long pause* "Mom?" *mom stares at 3 fake twitter accounts she made, fights tears* "Mom?"
@RunwayDan: "What's your name?" "Who's your daddy?" "Is he rich like me?" These "reset your password" questions are getting kind of weird.
@Breadery: Dilemma: Your daughter brings home a guy with an Insane Clown Posse t-shirt on but your garden is already completely full of corpses.
@juhipande: I woke up because of birds chirping.nI wish I had wings too.nI would fly to each of these birds & choke them one by one. n6 am is too early.