@ibid78: Pouring water on someone's head to promote something is kinda weird. Now that I've gotten that out of the way, let's go baptize some babies.
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@ItsAndyRyan: Me: How long have we had that pillow? Wife: No idea Memory foam pillow: Two years, five months and two days
@KevinFarzad: I always keep a baseball bat under my bed in case 17 people break in and wanna play baseball
@Awk0Tacoo: It's really hard to explain that your eyes are really red from allergies and not weed when you're buying cupcakes and a pound of Doritos.
@Midgetspar: Just bought Colgate mouthwash 'cause it builds stronger gums and someday my gums might have to lift a car off a baby.