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@Try2StopME: *pours a bucket of water into the ocean*
You're free now
@jtswhipped: To the woman that told her husband to "bite my ballsack" at the store today,I golf clapped because you won life.
@LindaInDisguise: Me: I'm completely lost. What's going on in this movie?
Him: Lin, I just hit play 90 seconds ago.
Me: Wow! New record.
@StrugglesBGbb: It's like my golf instructor thinks I'm mature enough to handle him talking about balls, and how to properly grip the club.
@That_Damn_Duck: I’m beginning to think that for some of you, the wheels on your bus do not go round & round.
@mjkspeaks: [meeting with boss]
"I need you to go back and fix something that broke yesterday."
"I DON'T EVEN HAVE A TIME MACHINE!"