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@UglyProbIemz: ppl: are u sick?
me: no, im just ugly
@LimeyTheGreat: Panty-less waxed woman hanging off a bridge "I'm gonna jump into that canoe". Me: "No that's your reflection".
@bourgeoisalien: Them: If you were stranded on a desert island with any two people, living or dead, who would they be?
Me: Can they both be dead?
@KKAlThani: "Dad, why did your generation find a fat guy singing in Korean & pretending to ride a horse entertaining?" "I don't know son, I don't know."
@holymolynicole: My ex didn't realize 'cheat day' only meant he could eat whatever FOOD he wanted.
@Owl_Meat: The only Plato I care about is a big Plato spaghetti