@evildadatron: Practice good oral hygiene by wiping your mouth with toilet paper after talking shit
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@KalvinMacleod: [parole hearing] OFFICER: are u reformed? ME: I— O: go on M: I th— O: tell us M: I'm— O: yes M: can I finish my sentence O: ok parole denied
@smithsara79: You don't really know true fear until you're headed to work to teach at a middle school after you tried cutting your own bangs
@MattMcC1: *extremely loudly* WELCOME TO MY TED TALK ON USING SUBLIMINAL MESSAGING FOR ADVERTISING. *whispers* cheerios
@Stellacopter: If I did one of those wine and paint nights the instructor would be like wow look at you, you are really good at wine.